Fintess Fellowship 2022: Week 11 Check-in

[sylvanwitch]

This has been an even longer week than the last one, which seems physically impossible, as in a violation of the laws of physics. ;-)

I hope it's been treating you gently.

As usual, if you'd like to share your ups and downs, fitness-wise or otherwise, that's what this space is for.



Weight: Up again this week. I weigh more today than I've weighed since 2020, and it's depressing, truly, but I can't seem to get my head to where it needs to be about it. *sighs*

Exercise: I am doing this! Every day! Some days, I'm not as vigorous as I'd like to be because my tendonitis is worse than it was the last time I experienced it, just knifing, terrible pain, and it makes it difficult to do any kind of sustained, upright exercise (like walking or using the elliptical...*sighs harder*). I'm wearing my medical brace now and have taken to using topical pain relief, ibuprofen for the swelling, ice, and elevation, and I'm going to try soaking in Epsom salts tonight. I fear the only way to heal is to just stay off of it, but that's really not practical for work. Ugh.

Eating plan: So, yeah, I'm mostly eating healthy, but I've been night-snacking again, though not enough to explain the uptick in weight. Seriously, it is just terribly frustrating. That said, this week has been super stressful, so I suspect maybe the weight gain is also related to that and/or hormones because my mood is acting like I'm about to have my period, but my body is saying otherwise, so this is probably more peri-menopausal bullshit. The broken sleep (night sweats) and daily hot flashes do not help with the weight thing either.

The week ahead: I honestly don't care SO much about the weight gain except that my spring wardrobe is from fifteen pounds ago, and while I can get away with the skirts (elastic waisted), the many beautiful short-sleeved shirts I bought are going to be too snug and will show off my belly roll, and I'm just really demoralized and hating myself right now.

BUT... I will be okay. Truly. I'm not okay right now, but I'll get there, hopefully without gaining anymore weight. I've been caught in this vicious cycle before, and I hope to get out of it sooner than I have in the past. We'll see.



Until next week, take care and be well!

Comments

[oschun]

Oh love, try not to feel too demoralized and self-hating. Easier said than done, I know. But try to be kind to yourself and be patient because you have tougher obstacles you have to deal with right now that are outside of your control (the ankle and the perimenopause). Maybe you should just stop weighing yourself for a week or a couple of weeks and focus solely on meditating, resting the ankle and trying out some strategies for dealing with the night snacking. Focus on things that you can exercise greater control over and work on your sense of wellbeing rather than weight-loss. You know you're allowed to give yourself permission to give the the scales and the elliptical a rest and have a mental health vacation for one or two weeks, right? It might help you to recharge the internal batteries.

[sylvanwitch]

Thank you for the words of encouragement and support and for the suggestions. I know, intellectually, that you're absolutely right about giving myself a break, but I also fear (based on past experience) that if I stop exercising and tracking my weight, I'll read that as permission to eat whatever I want, with a predictable and bad result. That said, I am going to try a modified version of your suggestion by not weighing myself every day and also switching the focus of my exercise to the recumbent bike, which doesn't hurt my ankle to use. It's the exercise I did most often when I was injured the last time, and I was able to keep up my fitness level by doing that when I couldn't walk or hike (this was pre-elliptical, I think--honestly, time has gotten super blurry since the pandemic started). Anyway, you're right about needing to take some deep breaths and step back and reset. I keep doing the same things with the same, unappealing results, somehow thinking if only I could recapture the magic of 2020, when I was losing weight much more easily, and of course, that's just nonsense magical thinking. ;-)

I hope you're hanging in there, too, my friend, and that you're finding time to take care of yourself. *hugs*